In which you get to read way more than you ever wanted to (AKA: The Doctor Made Me Do It!)

All right, all right - I said I'd do it.  Copy and paste into your own blog and embarrass yourself now, and let me read it.

I'm leaving in bold print Spo's words; the non-bold are my own - so you can see how much our answers overlap.

My earliest memory 
I recall being in a crib and it was daytime.  I was standing up (probably) making a racket for my mother and a woman walked into the room, but it was not my mother.  We weren't "rich" but we had a maid.  (For a few hours a week.)  I'll guess no one will like it if I say she was black, but she was.  She was also large, and I remember her white dress.  Over the years I had a few other babysitters/helpers/whatever their role was called; (they were almost all white in case anyone is going to come after me yelling like I have observed people doing to others).  More politically-incorrect impressions of my very young self:  One was fat; one was skinny (this is what babies/tiny kids notice!) Mrs. Ridgeway (endomorphic) did not wear glasses; Mrs. Hunt (ectomorphic) did.  They were both old - but then, could it have been that everyone looked old when I was three?  One time I ran up behind Mrs. Hunt and put my hands over her mouth - I wish I remember why!  I put my hands over her eyes another time and it was because she was reading the newspaper and I was afraid she would never finish.  I have occasionally been sad thinking about Inez, Mrs. Hunt, and Mrs. Ridgeway, and it's because a long time ago I realized they can't be alive anymore. :o(  Hey, wait - I still have some hope for Inez.  It's Hunt and Ridgeway who seemed so old to me. Wait - maybe they were not so old, and some people are 90-something, right?  (falling apart here - let me move on.)
First airline flight 
I believe it was a family trip out of state when my grandfather died.  I remember being all dressed up and resenting having to do that; now I know that was the fashion of the day (dressing as if for church to ride on a plane.)  What's funny is that I think I remember the taste and smell of the food on the plane.
First time ‘doing it” 
I have no idea what this question is about.
First surgery
Minor skin surgery that no one wants to know about - whoever thought surgery would be great to talk about?  LOL 1988-89.  It is still not right. (maybe 1986.  Is skin or toenail surgery really surgery?  I thought cuts had to be made deep into your body core to call it surgery.)
First car
It was a Ford product. (Fiesta.) Bought for $400 from my mom.  (Wow - Spo and I have a lot in common so far.)
First death of someone close
1976 the death of my mother's fiance, Howard (parents were long divorced by then.)  He was awesome; he was fun (he introduced me to the likes of: "Is that a booger on your nose?  No, it's not!" ... he liked the cakes I had just then been taught to make (I remember him tasting my first-ever cake which had orange frosting); he took my mom on sailboat rides and even saved himself and her when they capsized.  But despite being not-old and appearing fit as an Olympic athlete, he had an instant-death heart attack just walking across the living room of his apartment one day and he was gone just like that. This marks childhood’s end for me.
First drink
Hmm... Let's see.  My best friend and I split one can of beer belonging to her father.  I then cut her long hair short and even fashioned a nice rat tail in the back. 
First regret
I'm not sure I think that way; I can't recall, offhand, something I am sure I should have done differently.
First time rolling down grass hills
That was so routine that I can't remember a first time - must have been when other kids did it and I joined in (I was the young one in a family of older kids and a neighborhood full of kids slightly older, on average.)
First pet 
Lady, a cute little blonde mutt I called "potato chip" because I thought she smelled that way.  And/or a gray tabby cat we had around the same time - I can't believe I forgot her name.  Sancho, I think!
First time you knew you were different
Hmm... I think I always thought that.  By contrast,  I remember a few revelations in which I figured out that others experienced things the same way I did, though (recognizing that everyone has a self-centered perspective, in other words.)  I think I can remember very, very far back getting some concepts such as:  Even when I don't want them to, people can still see me, and:  When I look at their eyes, I can detect when they're also looking at my eyes.
First presidential election
Don't remember.  Only now am I becoming even moderately interested in politics.
First time you felt you were an adult
Still don't feel like one.  Okay, that was flippant.  For real, I don't think I notice these transitions.
First opera
No opera for me, but I was taken to "The Messiah," and I remember being so bored that with one shoe I broke the large fake buckle off the other shoe.  My mother later said she regretted taking me and should have realized no child that age could withstand it.  I was bored to tears and I thought there was no way I would ever attend one of these silly dreary things again…..
First time out of the country
If Canada counts (and I believe it does), then I was 12 and stayed in Quebec City, and a little of Ottowa and Montreal along the way.
First job
Other than many babysitting hours, lifeguard.
First time you ate rats at Tewkesbury
I never did that, I'm glad to say.  Never even been to Tewkesbury or know what/where it is.
First kiss
I really don't think about this stuff; I could never remember if I tried.  (Not because there was so much of it; I think it's been selectively scrubbed from my memory.)  I remember lots of kisses I wanted to dole out.  It went on in my brain way more than in reality, in other words!
First realization of the axiom “life is not fair”
Before the progressive college-campus "experimental" [as some like to say] school I attended for 1st-5th, I spent one year at the public school's kindergarten and it was like stepping a decade (or two!) back in time.  The teacher told us to put our heads down on our desk because the principal was coming and he turned out to be obviously angry (I guess we made too much noise - as a group?)  Even then I knew that mass punishment for crimes (!) that must have come from only some kids was inappropriate, and I knew that we were all like 5 years old, and my b.s. meter just went off the charts. I wasn't rattled by it, just annoyed to have to stop coloring or whatever.  Also, I had long legs and the teacher repeatedly tripped over my feet when walking by, then shot me a hostile look as if I had tripped her on purpose - I knew this was poor kid-treatment, also.
First disgraceful behavior
I made a pitcher full of soapy water and put it in the fridge, hoping people would think it was lemonade and drink it.  Many years later my sister said she almost drank it.  Another time I took a sock monkey from the gym when the after-school program was not in session; I rationalized that it was left behind because no one wanted it.  I explained this rationale to my mother when she inquired about the new item.  Without scolding or shaming, she told me that I should take it back and return it, which I did.