"See you next time!" (which turned out to mean never) - Not you readers! Just the dentist

I left a dentist because of the upsell.  We also had this terrible dynamic in which we learned that we attended the same college, only one year apart (but don't remember each other) (wait - this is good so far, right?) and I think we (although I can only confidently say "I") could not figure out who was "the boss."  Normally a dentist would be a type of authority figure to me, more educated (at least in his field), older (although sadly I'm at the age now where I've been shocked to find doctors increasingly likely to be younger than myself) and while he was one year older, this was not enough.

I think the age was just a fraction of, or maybe even a non-contributor to, the confusing context in which we could not place ourselves - it may have been the fellow alumni status, it may have been some possible difference or even uncomfortable similarity in personality that was too strong, maybe he found me especially unattractive (I always wonder and suspect that) or conflictingly attractive (I very much doubt that) - I admit I thought he was somewhat attractive but I think this was influenced primarily by having to spend lots of time 3" from his face, which is not an everyday happening with non-family members and can unduly influence (although usually temporarily!) a perception like this toward the positive side (at least for me that's true, since I'm generally a positive person and like people the more I am around them, all other things being equal).  I have listed possible factors in no particular order from the very likely to the wildly unlikely factors; you can see that I combed through everything I thought it might be in attempting to figure out what was making me dread being in the presence of this person. [It should be noted that I am not anxious about actually getting dental work done.]  All of these little "problems" being unimportant next to this one that I kept coming back to:

He seemed to not like me, and while I tried to tell myself this could be a thought coming from my own head, I could not help returning to it again and again fresh, and this is a sign to me that it could be coming from an external source (such as him truly not liking me.)  Why would he not like me?

 After pondering it long enough, I came to the working conclusion that while I'm a nice enough person to those who "click" with me (which should be nearly everyone), I am not easily intimidated by just the power of suggestion of doing, well, whatever is suggested, and simply repeating the thinly (badly) veiled coaxing in a sterner (or at least while subtracting any feigned friendliness) manner does not typically work to get me closer to the point of agreement sought by the persuader.  In fact, it makes me prone to balk out of reflex, while I spend time assessing the situation, gathering my thoughts once outside the zone of the pressurer so that I can make sure I've made an un-rushed decision. Some people seriously dislike those they cannot "influence" easily, or at least may not know what to make of them.  I've found myself being treated dismissively by some of these people.

This is a long-form way of saying that I believe he thought a taut-lipped, no-eye-contact (interspersed with cold glare shot my way) ultimatum ending with the dumping of me upon his assistant while he walked out unceremoniously would leave me seeking his approval so that I'd cave in to his manipulative tactics.  I don't mean to sound harsh by way of not understanding that the man has professional opinions that he must present to the patient in order to do his ethical duty (and he said as much, in so many words!)  What an asshole I must be, I reflect now... Or maybe, just maybe... I may not be the asshole, and he may be the one with insensitive interpersonal communication skills that amplified this slight-but-growing problem I noticed, which I perceived as "his mood"?

For very quick background, I didn't like the way he would enter the room with back turned (how does anyone do that?  Oh yeah, my back was the one turned, while in a chair), read the chart silently at the counter, fail to say hello, then turn around talking shop without looking at my face first.  Assistants smiled as if this were the way everyone acts, and really, I'm not ultra-picky about this because I realize people are gosh-darned busy and may be having a terrible day.

So another day I came in for a filling and it was just me and him, and let me tell you, he treated me like his best friend.  We talked about old college days, and he told me about his family (now that I think of it, he talked about himself just a little too much, but what else was there to talk about? And I don't like to critique, so this is only in painstaking after-the-fact reflection that I say this) and I think when I was done, we were thinking about getting married. I thought, "Maybe I caught him on a bad day, previously.  He's a nice guy, after all."  So I left in a good mood, but came back for subsequent appointments that resembled the back-turned-no-greet/scowl-terse-words-walk-out.

Typically when I encounter the happy-joking one day / inexplicably cold the next day phenomenon, I suspect a personality problem.  That, or at least a person who may like me a little and puts up with me for professional reasons but basically cannot stand me (OR... the person may simply be a jerk), so I decided to do the best thing for myself and just find another dentist.  I mean, I didn't like doing it, and this was sandwiched around a too-long stretch of time visiting NO dentist (Back on one of those days I drove home crying - and you should know that I am a very-rare crier, not one of those drop-of-hat criers - I actually thought of asking his assistants if he was like this with everyone or if he had a specific problem with me - but I never asked - and reflecting on just the impulse I had to ask told me that I should think about ending the professional relationship.)

The new dentist I have is great; I told him about the previous relationship, and he and his staff are so understanding and sympathetic.  I've noticed him occasionally acting just a bit like the first dentist described, though, which tells me that at least some of this unpleasant experience came from within my head and my unrealistic and unclear (even to myself) expectations of how I would like to be treated by the white-coated people.  At least part of it is due just to the upsell, the first topic mentioned in this post.  I have to remember that he's only my friend for the few hours per year I spend there; he patches and polishes, and he tries to sell me stuff that would benefit me, but that I don't want to pay for, and I have to sort out what's worth paying for, and what's not really necessary, and I don't like doing that.  Everyone's gotta make a dollar, though, and there are so many dollars you could spend at the dentist that it probably makes the world's economy go round.